(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)

I will not eat nuked steak and ham.
I will not eat them, Dan-I-Am.

Will you eat them with a beer?
Food safety is our greatest fear.
Will you eat them on a plate?
The solution is to irradiate.
Don’t you fear E. coli woes?
But then again, I suppose
You’re too busy hugging trees
To hear the poor consumers’ pleas
For food that will not make them ill.
Irradiation is our national plan, so
Will you eat nuked steak and ham?

I will not eat it on a dish.
I will not eat your glowing fish.
You can’t twist my "tree-hugging" arm.
I’ll buy my chicken from a farm.
My local locker’s very able
To put clean meat upon my table
(Although it does not bear your label).
The problem’s not the little guys,
But IBP’s enormous size.
When working on a scale so great,
You’ve no choice but to irradiate
At a most expensive fee -
And you call it "efficiency."
Why do you turn a blind
Eye to the fact that confined
Animals are most unhealthy?
Because they make the big guys wealthy?
If "green eggs and ham" are raised on pasture
Then I will eat them with great rapture, but
I will not eat nuked steak and ham.
I will not eat them, Dan-I-Am.

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